


Rupert

by kaige68



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Crack, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, OMG SO MUCH CRACK, Stuffed Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-09
Updated: 2012-07-09
Packaged: 2017-11-09 12:28:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/455452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaige68/pseuds/kaige68
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Rupert took a big breath, filling his polyester to capacity, and began to do what large pink bunnies stuffed by slashers do best.  He started telling erotic stories.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rupert

**Author's Note:**

  * For [green_grrl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_grrl/gifts), [haldoor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/gifts).



> **Disclaimer:** I own nothing!! I'm not even sure I should claim this.  
>  **Beta:** Massive Beta Thanks to the life-saving green_grrl. The reason that this makes any cohesive sense is entirely due to her. Anything wrong is due entirely to my post-beta tweaking.  
>  **Notes:**  
>  Wow - This is up there with Crayon and Muppet Slash. ~~Oh! Muppets writing crayon slash!~~ It's one of those things where I'm never really sure if I'm brilliant or commit-able.
> 
> Concrit and corrections are always welcome. Coding suggestions too!

It was commonly acknowledged among stuffed toys that the moment of stuffing cemented one’s thoughts and drive. _Fluffing stuffing_ made a toy who they were. Sure they could be influenced by a child and circumstances, but the fluffing stuffing moment put the thoughts into a toy’s head.

If you were stuffed by someone in a chain store in a mall, and the minimum-wage employee was having a good day, and your future owner put all that love and hope into the kiss on your heart, you would be filled with love and happiness and wanting to give. If you were stuffed by a person who thought you would be a ridiculous toy for an over-privileged child because the wages they made to stuff you could barely put food on the table, well….

The mythical fluffed from Santa’s Workshop were said to be the happiest toys ever. Skipping and prancing, showering joy and smiles and whatever-the-fuck-else on all and sundry. Rupert was pretty certain that he’d been stuffed by a plotting slasher. It wasn’t a bad frame of mind in his opinion.

He sighed and looked around the spare room that he and the others spent their lives in. It wasn’t a difficult life; he’d heard tales of worse. Sitting on a daybed surrounded by friends was a good gig; he’d dreamed of better though. 

After his stuffing and un-boxing, he’d distinctly remembered sitting on the floor of toy store - he hadn’t been there that long - when the man had come in. A little bit tool-ish for Hawaii, was Rupert’s first thought. But then the man had called him perfect. He still smiled at the memory. Rupert was a large pink bunny; he had no illusions as to what he was. He’d heard _too big, too pink, too fluffy. Perfect_ was such a beautiful thing to hear. Even when the sales clerk said there wasn’t a bag large enough, the man repeated that he was perfect as he was. 

Rupert kept that story to himself these days. Chuckles… He didn’t like to think about what Chuckles had been through. Anyway Rupert had been placed delicately in the front seat of the car, with promises of how much someone named Grace would love him, and then suddenly he’d been whisked to the backseat of the car and never even met the little girl. He’d been passed to another little girl, whose mother had a conniption about taking something from strangers and he’d been deposited the following morning in a steel container, picked up, sorted, and shelved in a charity store. 

He’d been purchased relatively quickly (judging by the talk of the scraggly stuffed), by a brunette in a power suit who had just closed a _hell of a deal_ and wanted a trophy to show for it. And so he sat, on the daybed in the spare room with the other trophies in the realtor’s life. They represented ex-boyfriend revenges, important house sales, that last 5 pounds. Abigail even had some of her stuffing removed and was full of green papers with zeros on them. Henry had an actual zipper, inside of which was a black t-shirt from a memorable one-night stand. 

Henry was Rupert’s best friend on the daybed. 

Rupert took a big breath, filling his polyester to capacity, and began to do what large pink bunnies stuffed by slashers do best. He started telling erotic stories.

> They argued in the car, they always argued in the car. Steve took the corners wildly, Danny just kept yelling.

“Why do you always have the steve driving? Doesn’t the car belong to the danno? You change everything around!”

“I like it better when the steve drives, it’s my story. You tell your own story with the danno driving.” Rupert cleared his bunny throat and glared at Peep before continuing.

> It was night and they had just finished de-stuffing all the bad guys. It was time to relax, but with the way Steve was driving that wasn’t working for Danny. “Just stop the car! Stop the car you animal! I would like to live so see you actually buy the beer.” Steve took another turn, and then one more, and within a few minutes they were in a deserted parking lot overlooking the ocean. “This is where you are buying me a beer?”

> “Just get out of the car”

> “This is worse than when you leave your wallet behind. What are we teenagers and sneaking a cheap six pack in the woods?”

> Steve was out of the car standing by the hood, arms in front of him gesturing at the blond. “What woods? We’re at the beach. Just get out of the car Danny!”

> “ The beach is Hawaii’s equivalent to the woods.” Danny was petulant, but he got out of the car and moved around to the front, staring out at the ocean, Steve standing next to him not saying anything, just watching Danny.

> “What?” 

> Steve smiled. A scary smile that got Danny worrying. 

> “Okay, now… what? What is that face?”

> Steve finally turned out to look at the ocean. “You know what I’ve been thinking all day?”

> “How to fit more bullets into automatic weapons?”

> Steve’s hand moved to rest on Danny’s knee where he sat on the hood of the Camaro. “That was last week. Tuesday. Today…” He leaned in and whispered into Danny’s ear. “Today I’ve been thinking about bending you over the front of the car and fucking you. Hard.” 

> Danny visibly swallowed.

“Why is it always sex? Why can’t they just rescue kitten in a tree?” Ducky was stuffed by nuns, she should have already learned to tuck her head under a wing when Rupert and Henry told stories.

> Steve just leaned down and kissed Danny. Danny opened his mouth, let in Steve’s tongue, and groaned. His hands tugged at Steve’s hips, pulling him closer, and then one of them moved under Steve’s shirt, teasing at this tummy for a moment, then down, over his cargos until Danny had a hand full of restrained cock.

Ramona made a small shocked noise but Rupert went on unfazed.

> Steve thrust forward slightly and quickly set about getting Danny up and around until he was bent over the Camaro with his clothes around his ankles. Steve palmed Danny’s ass, knelt down behind him and started licking at his stuffing hole.

“You keep your stuffing in your zipper Henry!”

“Who stuffed you?” Henry snorted but gave up fighting with the aptly named Prudy so that Rupert could continue on.

> ”God, yes. STEVE! More!” And Steve gave him more. Tongue and fingers. He stroked Danny’s dick and his balls. Pushed and licked and pulled until Danny spilled his stuffing all over the car’s tire. Fuck, babe… Need you… Fuck me… now… HARD!” Then it was an instant until Steve was standing, shrink-wrapping his cock, and sliding it into Danny. 

> “Danno… So tight… so fucking… Danno!”

> “Hard babe, wanna feel you tomorrow.”

> “ Jesus Danno!” 

> Danny pushed back and Steve slammed into him harder than Danny had ever taken. Both of them groaning and panting, begging each other until, finally, Steve blew his fluff. 

> Danny reached back, holding on to Steve wherever he could grasp him. “Fuck babe, so good. Always so good.” It was a few minutes later, after Steve felt he had control of his breath again that he finally pulled away. Danny smirked at him. “You still owe me a beer.”

“Screw the beer.” Henry snickered. “Cigarettes all around!”


End file.
